Got this email from a friend. Very funny and can't wait to share.. Whether its a fact or fiction - It's your call..hahaha.
- Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning
- After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin...they can't face each other, but, they still stay together.
- Married life is very frustrating.
.In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
.In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
.In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can
be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
- Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about something she says. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she finish.
- Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
- They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage,
that is LOVE. After marriage, that is SELF DEFENSE.
- A wife becomes a "SEX OBJECT" when every time the husband
asks for sex, she objects!
- Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- There are two four-letter words that are offensive to
men in marriage : "don't" and "stop", unless, they are used together
("don't stop").
- Marriage is an institution where the man loses his
Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Master's Degree.
- In marriage, a man can have words with his wife,
but, a woman can have paragraphs with her husband.
- Marriage is love. Love is blind.
Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
- There are 3 stages of SEX in a married life:
Tri-weekly, try weekly and try weakly.
- LOVE is a long sweet dream; MARRIAGE is the alarm clock.
- When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But, when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
- Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence ... a LIFE SENTENCE.
Testimonials:
************ ***
A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The wife leaned
over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too. But he leaned over too
much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
"Wow! This stuff really Works!"
Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China , a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her!
Dad: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!! !
************ ********* ******
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I
said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent
on some machine and fluid from a bottle. If that ever happens,
just pull the plug'.
She got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my beer!
She is such a bitch!
************ ********* ******
The great question... which I have not been able to answer is...
what does a woman want? -Sigmund Freud
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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time
to go to a restaurant two times a week.
A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes
Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman
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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
- Sam Kinison
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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage." - James Holt McGavran
************ ********* ******
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me,
and the second one didn't." - Patrick Murray
************ ********* ******
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
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My wife and I were very happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
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